Dogs, Parrots and Sugar lump...the love of my life

Her full name is Sugar Loo DeBolt Burr. (Sammy adopted her when we got married : >) I joke with Sammy that if someone came in and said they were either going to shoot Sugar or shoot him that I would opt that he get shot...he has a much better chance of living than Sugar would. Hopefully they only shoot him in the arm or something. But he knows I love that dog. I sing about her, to her, for her. You know the song "lolly pop, lolly pop oh lolly lolly pop", well, I sing "Sugar lump, Sugar lump, oh Sugar Sugar lump." (I have songs for each of my dogs) I got Sugar as a present for myself for my 19th bday in 2000. I saw her on my weekend shift at the humane society and had to have her. Cutest little 3lbs I ever saw, and the best $65

 I spent as a poor college student. Well, she has lost some weight, her eyes have gotten a little cloudy, she has an old lady wart on her forehead...signs of aging. She wasn't acting herself the last few days so I took her in. His words were she looks great for being a geriatric dog. She still has great sight, her weight is good, heart sounds great and no issues. Maybe the kids fed her something that didn't agree with her. That is all great news...except I don't want to think of her as geriatric. That means old. Like nursing home and nearing the end of the tunnel. I got Sugar at an important time of my life. I was making some really important decisions about myself and who I wanted to be. Sugar went everywhere with me. I mean everywhere. When Sammy and I started dating, he knew Sugar was part of the package. She was a part of ou

r wedding rehersal (would have been in the wedding, but he drew the line there.) She sleeps with me every night and knows just when I need a kiss. I love all of my dogs, but Sugar is special. I can't imagine being without her. It makes me wonder when God made dogs and parrots, why do the parrots get to live for 90 years and dogs only 15 or so?

 I know when she is gone I will lock myself in the closet and cry for several days. Sammy threatens to buy a new puppy right away but that won't help. I hope she lives for a good 5-7 years more. I will get her a doggie wheelchair for her bad knees if need be...and a ramp for the bed. For now she runs fast from the kids, jumps fine on my high bed when its time to cuddle and still likes to play from time to time. Oh how I love my Sugar lump!

Stuck in an elevator

This afternoon as we were leaving the stadium, we were stuck in an overfilled elevator. I am not fond of elevators as is, mainly because I have been stuck in them several times throughout my life. One time was like 2 hours. Plus I have the reoccurring dream of being in a falling elevator. So today we got packed in like sardines and started to go up, then started to fall down but the emergency brakes jerked us to a stop right away. To make matters worse, we were in the elevator with the Lions' family members! Think, 30 big, hot, sweaty people stuffed in an elevator and stuck for 20 minutes. It was the appropriate ending to the game.
On a completely different note, I haven't been on in a while. Madi started walking about 3 months ago and I feel like I spend all of my time making sure she isn't into stuff she shouldn't be. The kid finds everything she shouldn't! She is really good about bringing me stuff but for pete's sake...  I told my Meemaw I only have time to do one "extra" thing a night when I get home from work. So pay my bills, balance her checkbook, help Sammy, take Shep to swim lessons...but only one thing. I sometimes feel like I am stuck in an elevator of life! After working 8-9 hour days 5 days a week then coming home and tending to the duties that call- laundry, dishes, wiping bottoms and diaper changing- I give up...I have definitely compromised on my personal level of expectations for household cleanliness (Martha would be disappointed) and now Madi just woke up screaming so there goes my "one thing" for tonight.

The smell of children

When Shep was younger, I remember thinking his breath smelled kind of like pickles. I don't know why but I loved it...and yes, I brushed his teeth twice a day- I'm ocd about his teeth. So I loved holding him and smelling a sweet little pickle smell. Madi smells like syrup. She loves to put her head right into my neck and I smell her and it is so sweet. Holding them and smelling their special little smells makes me relax and feel so much better after a long day. I think most parents feel that way about their babies. That is why we can't understand the Casey Anthony trial. (on a side note, we should all be thankful we live in a country where we have the opportunity to be judged by a jury of our peers, even if they don't get it right all the time) Even if she didn't kill her baby, she shouldn't have been out having a good time while her daughter was MIA. We know what we would do if our children were missing...we wouldn't sleep, but not because of parties, because we would be doing everything to find them. I read about a guy that injured his 4 month old baby to the point it died a few days later. They didn't give details, and I probably don't want to know, but I can't imagine hurting my lovies. Madi tried my patience. Not her fault, but between her reflux, colic, poo issues etc etc I was a hot mess. Most nights we both cried from about 11pm to 2am. Never once did I want to hurt her. No matter how tired, mad, frustrated, desperate or hopeless I felt I could never imagine doing anything to that sweet baby.
Our world is a mess...I used to walk down the block and go to the park as a kid, but I am pretty sure I am going to be a helicopter mom. I am not going to risk it. Sure, I will walk 10 feet behind you at the mall, and I promise not to be embarrassing when I chaperon your school dance. When you go off to college, it might be a good time for me to take those classes I always wanted to take...OK fine. I won't go to college with my kids, and I will give them some freedoms but I am not going to take any chances. God gave me 2 beautiful gifts. I am beyond blessed. Not everyone has the opportunity to be a mom. Whether a child of the womb or child of the heart, being a mom is a wonderful responsibility. Our job now is to pray for Casey. She obviously needs it. Is is so hard to want to pray for her, but she needs to know she can be forgiven if she asks Him for forgiveness. Maybe somewhere in there she will wake up one day and realize what she has done and be truly sorry. One can only hope...and pray

Being a bad friend...

I don't know why, but today I was thinking about how becoming a parent turns you into a bad friend. I am actually a really nice person. I babysit for others, give neighbors rides, and I try to attend every bday, babyshower and wedding I am invited to. The thing is, I don't have time to be a good friend. Working full-time, having 2 young children, going to church, keeping my house somewhere between clean and disaster, etc etc etc changes priorities. Not that friends aren't important, but the small windows of time I have I generally have scheduled or spend with my family. Before, I could make last minute plans to meet people after work and not worry about picking up kids from daycare. I didn't care about driving across the metroplex to meet a friend. Now I think, well it will take me an hour to get over there, and hour back and if I spend 2 hours there that is 4 hours away at least. Also a reason I don't update my blog much...I would rather go play power rangers with Shep because I know these special times go by so fast. I have lost a few friends over it, which makes me sad. Some people have more flexibility, or tons of family available to watch their children and I have neither. I am ok with it though. While I miss several people that don't understand the change, I have gained so much wisdom from my children. God has used them to teach me so many lessons about love, compassion, kindness...things that have made me be a better person in so many ways. I have learned to ask people about their families and listen. Not just ask a question and not care about the answer- as many people do. While I have always understood the sacrifice to give His only Son, I now feel it when I hear it. I can almost feel the pain and sorrow of watching Him die. I have this different attachment to it and it has made me much more emotional about the stories and during worship at church. I am a much better Christian.  When people say children change your life, I had no idea. Now I do, and every night when I pray I first thank God for giving me the opportunity to be a mom and blessing me with 2 amazing and beautiful children.
One day I will have more time, and will hopefully get to spend some time with friends that have had to be put on a back burner for now. While I may be called a bad friend, yesterday Shep told me I was a good mom...and today he said I was skinny and pretty (smart kid!)- in the grand scheme of life, what he calls me is a little more important!

Family Values

Sammy and I had crushes on each other in high school but he never

Sammy in high school

asked me out :) Lindsey, Michelle and I used to run figure 8s around the practice football field and baseball field every afternoon (yes, we totally checked out the guys as we ran those miles) and I would talk to Sammy outside the gym when he was done with practice. We liked each other, but the timing just wasn't right. We ran into each other from time to time and he always held a little piece of my heart for some reason. So fastforward to January 2001-my 20th bday. I was living with Michelle, Erin and Samantha...Sammy called Samantha and asked what she was doing and she told him we were all going out for my bday. He got my number and called me that night. It was all over from there. We started dating and at first I told him I wouldn't be exclusive (since I just got out of a long relationship.) In March I told him I couldn't commit. He used the line "It's not that you can't, it's that you won't" so from that day forward I stopped talking to other guys. In June I moved to Dallas and we didn't know how the long distance thing would work, but it

Me in high school

did. I always thought that God brought us back together after we had dated other people so it was meant to be.

We got engaged in April of 2002. The boy can't keep a surprise to save his life! He was going to propose at my sorority formal, or at the baseball game we were going to that weekend, but he got into Dallas late Friday night and had bought me Breakfast at Tiffany's (since I had never seen it) and a few minutes in he busted out the ring and asked me to marry him. We all know my answer...but I was a bit nervous about the whole marriage thing. The following May we got married. I was still nervous....but I knew if I was going to get married it was going to be to

Sammy. We got married in the Presbytarian church in Rockport (because it had a center isle, my church and Sammy's church didn't) and had our reception at the pavillion on the beach. It was beautiful. We finally started living together and adjusting to married life.  

 Marriage is work, anyone who says it isn't is lying. I know one girl who used to tell me it was easy and wonderful all the time. I thought she was nuts, and as it turns out she got divorced 2 years ago. There is alot of sacrafice, submission and compromise. We love each other so much and have been beyond blessed. We have beautiful children, a nice house, wonderful friends and jobs. Supportive families and having a church home are huge parts of what makes us successful too. We try to follow the rule of priority: God, Spouse, Children. We don't always agree, but we talk it out and sometimes I stomp off in a total teenage fit :) For the most part we have figured out how we work and make the most of it. It isn't always easy but it is always worth it. I am really glad he made that call on January 13, 2001.



Honeymoon







wedding



Mother's Day....

Yes, it is nearly 2am and I am still awake...yes, I have to get up in a few hours for work. You know how sometimes you start cleaning and can't stop until you feel good about a stopping point? That was me tonight. We got home from San Antonio around 4:30 and the kids were playing so I wanted to finish my book (Water for Elephants, which I loved) and ignore the unpacking and laundry to be done. So I did. My reading was interrupted by diaper changes and feedings, but I finished it. Then I had to leave at 8:20 to go pick up my Meemaw from the airport. Got home, put the kids to bed, spent a little time with Sammy,then the cleaning began. Washer, Dryer, Dishwasher...everything is running. I folded/hung a few loads and still have 1 in the washer and 1 inthe dryer! Then I had to make bottles and food for tomorrow. Get the school uniform ready and the clothes for football practice....all of a sudden it is 1:45.

Mother's Day was great. I got my 2 Tiffany necklaces from "my kids" and then today I got a cute little card and a starbucks giftcard. I must have been a really good mom this year! I am so thankful for my family. It is crazy to think I was so afraid of being a mom. When I was pregnant with Shep, I told Sammy that there was no way I was going to love a baby as much as I love my dogs. (I am kind of a crazy dog person, like insanely in love with my dogs) I was so unsure of what it meant for my future. I was excited about it but just had a lot of reservations. Then came by little man. It was a super long labor and I slept through the c-section due to pure exhaustion so meeting him was a blur. The next part I am telling because nobody told me about these feelings. I feel as moms, we should tell our friends about things that we are even a bit afraid to admit we thought. So when Shep was born, I didn't "fall in love" or feel an instant connection. Same with Madi. I was happy to see them and so thankful to have beautiful babies, but I thought it was going to be some sort of electrifiying connection. It wasn't there, so I thought something was wrong with me. And honestly, there was. I had major surgery both times. I was exhausted, hormonal, and on drugs. My love for them started growing from the moment I met them. I think it doubles everyday. I love them both in a way words cannot describe. I love being a mom and I am good at it. Even if I have to stay up until 2am to get the chores done :) Shep is my sunshine and Madi is my little angel.So on Mother's Day I am thankful for my amazing mom who raised my sister and myself as a single mom. She taught us the importance of God, work ethic, and most importantly raised us so we could be successful as we grew up. I am so blessed to have my grandmother in my life. She also helped raise my sister and myself. She lived with me for 15 months to take care of Shep when he was born and has lived with us the last 6.5 months taking care of Madi. What a wonderful opportunity my children have to be so close to their greatgrandma. I also have my aunts who played a big role in my life and helping mold me into the woman I am today. I also thank God for blessing me with my family. I have 2 wonderful and beautiful children. Life can be overwhelming, work can run a person down, and the laundry never ending, but I look at my children and am instantly calmed. I hope everyone had a wonderful day and now I am going to put this mother to bed!

Yada Yada Yada

Yesterday I was carrying Madi while doing chores and wondering to myself "Why do some people think it is awful to carry your kid around all the time?" Ok, I get the part where it makes it a little harder to get things done, but overall it is kind of fun for me. I did it with Shep too. Sometimes I would put on the little baby frontpack and clean the whole house. It allows me time to be close to my babies, and since I am a working mom, every minute counts. I guess it is the more natural thing for me. We don't have set schedules, or feeding times, bed times are "about" this time, but it is flexible. And as babies, they sleep in my room. Often in my bed. I know the baby wisers are freaking out right now and shaking their heads :) It works for me...and Sammy. It was our family decision. We didn't know it until we brought Shep home from the hospital, but having him with us was what felt right. Plus with nursing, it just makes life super easy. So I carry my kids. Both of them. Shep still likes to be held sometimes and loves to sit in my lap to cuddle whenever it is free. I would rather have my lap full of kids, or a baby on my hip than kids that didn't want my complete attention and affection. Shep often tells me through out the day how much he loves me and every time I hear it fills me with joy. I became a mom because I wanted to be a mom. It wasn't about convenience or schedules. It was about love, joy, and a blessing I didn't even understand until it happened. (but on a side note, don't think because I'm all lovey dovey I spare the rod!)
Today at church I got all teary eyed (which happens often at church.) They were doing baptisms and I become so overcome with emotion when I see people give their life to Christ. Buried in the likeness of his death, raised in the likeness of his resurrection. I can't wait for my children to make that decision. I have become so much more sentimental at church since I had children. The fact that He gave His only son has always been precious, but after having my own son, it became more realistic (if that makes sense) Or maybe I just became a big sleep deprived, hormonal, emotional mess after having kids. Lol. Which ever it is, I appreciate it a little more.
I'm about to start a new workout program...I am hoping it is as good as I have heard in the past. I will keep everyone posted. I still have 15 lbs of Madi to get rid of and 15 lbs of Shep too. Hopefully this new workout will get me over this plateau. Apparently going to the gym for 1.5 hours 3-4 times a week isn't working....

Cleaning out the closet



piles of memories...



Today I went through Shep's old clothes I had in space saver bags in the attic. I have some friends from work that have young boys and figured I would pass along some of his cute clothes...but it is hard! I have been good about cleaning out Madi's stuff every time she goes to the next stage in clothes. I just box them up and send them to my friend in Indiana. I try not to think about it or dwell. I am quite sure I would be a hoarder if I wasn't a sensible person. I like that Niecey Nash always says "things aren't the memories, you still have the memories without the things." Sometimes it is nice to have the things so I always save a few of my favorite outfits :) 

 I pulled out this little 6 month old outfit and held it up to show Shep. I said "look how little you were!" He said "Mom why are you crying?" (which I wasn't, but was using a sad voice) "Well, you used to be so little and lovey. I just miss you being so small and you are getting big too fast." He put his pizza down and came over to where I was sitting on the floor. He sat in my lap and put his arm around my neck. "Mom, don't be sad. It is ok that I am getting big. I love you bery much" and he gave me a big kiss and went back to his pizza. Somewhere around the "bery much" I felt some tears in my eyes but held them in. Think I might be suffering from a slight case of PPD  or extreme over exhaustion. Either way, I'm a hormonal mess. Poor Sammy! Last weekend I cried for 2 hours because the plant nursery didn't have the vines I wanted. It wasn't really the vines but they started it. First, I was upset because I was going to have to postpone the back garden. Then I started thinking of the time I wasted going to two places looking for them. Then I started thinking of all the things I could have done in that time, or just have spent it with the kids. Anyhow, it was a downward spiral. So I looked up PPD in my "what to expect the first year" and it mentioned it usually happens in the first few months but can occur when weaning due to hormonal changes. Well, that may explain it. Ugh! Almost anything can set me off these days!  



I am so blessed with my little family. Shep is my sunshine and Madi is my little angel...They love each other so much. I am always amazed. So many people have told me their older child asked if they could send the other one back to the hospital. Not Shep. He asked me when would I get another baby in my belly. I told him I wouldn't and he got kind of sad. He said he wanted us to have another baby. LOL. Mommy is done! So he turned to Madi and gave her a kiss :) I love those sweet kids. Madi is pretty much crawling. I think she will do better at walking though. She keeps getting on her tippy toes. Shep is too smart for his own good! I wish I had more time with them......











The joys and sorrows of motherhood

Warning: This is about motherhood, nursing, and tears...so if you don't care about babies, breastfeeding, and the trials of motherhood you probably don't want to continue reading.

You were warned

I am a huge advocate for breastfeeding. I did it for 13 months with Shepard and intended on doing the same with Madi. She has made other choices....but let me back up.
When I was pregnant with Shep, I asked everyone "Isn't nursing strange? How does it go from a playground to a work facility?" I wasn't sure I could do it or if I even really cared. I remember people saying "its natural, it doesn't hurt (liars!) and so I was going to give it a go. It was really hard the first 2 weeks. Felt like someone was paper cutting me every time he nursed. I asked lots of moms and they agreed. The whole "it doesn't hurt" is just not true. But it went away and I came to really enjoy that time. It made me sit down, put my feet up and relax. Shep was great, a very good nurser and we were both ready to quit at the same time. At 11 months, I quit pumping and just nursed in the morning and nite. Then a month after his first bday he lost interest and I was done too. It was perfect. With Madi I figured it would go the same, but it has been different since day 1. She was born with lots of fluid and nursing was hard for her. I had an over abundance this time though, and actually donated 750 ounces to the milk bank. For a while things seemed to go well. She got a little better with nursing, but with all her tummy issues I had to start her on formulas to eliminate breast milk allergies, milk protein allergies, lactose intolerance etc. I had to change my diet, then I was back to work full time and back on birth control- suddenly my milk decreased, but she had to take some formula so it wasn't a big deal. She still has never been that good at nursing (drink, cry, drink drink, yell, drink scream, drink drink talk) but I was determined. Its the best thing for her, we bond, and oh yeah, its free. I was going to make it to 1 year.
Today changed that. She has been sick, stuffy and grumpy. At 4am she acted like she wanted to nurse. I wasn't sure if she was really hungry or just wanted comfort food, but I put her in my bed and let her nurse. Then she bit me with her two little bottom teeth. Hard. I yelled no, and let her try again. She nursed, then bit. Again I told her No, loud. She knew she was bad. She started to nurse again and well, she looked me right in the eyes and bit me. I told her no and didn't let her nurse for a few minutes. She was upset and after she calmed down I let her try the other side. Big mistake. She bit me harder than the other times. That was it. She got a bottle. Today when I pumped it had to dump it out of that side because it had blood in it. All day. So I was hoping that was just a grumpy baby being bad and tonight I (fearfully) went to nurse her when I got home from work. That is the norm. Happy mommy baby time. 30 seconds in she bit me. I cried. Not because it hurt, but I wasn't really prepared for it to be over. I know I can still pump and give her that, but there is just something special about nursing, plus, she is my last baby. Its pretty final. The thought of that makes me sad, and I don't even really want more kids. I am so happy with what I have. I guess I should have know something like this would happen since Madi has been my problem child even while in utero. I just wanted the perfect little ending I had with Shep. So nice, easy and both of us were ready. Ugh. I love this little girl, she is going to be trouble.....

Kid Free Weekend and other random stuff

I spent an amazing weekend without the kiddos. Just me and the hubs. Wow. That was the first time since we had kids that we have had a whole weekend. Shep had spent 2 nights without me but was with Sammy. And when he was without Sammy he was with me. It was nice, but we found ourselves looking for things to do. Hey, wanna get a massage? Ok (which, by the way, never ever go to Modern Day Spa) Then we went to Southlake Town Square, walked around, ate at The Cheesecake Factory and saw Paul. It was nice just us, but made me wonder what on earth did we do with all our time before kids? All I know is "kid free weekend" was expensive!
Things have been a lot better lately with Madi. I'm not saying easy, or completely resolved, but it is so nice to hear normal coos and have a baby that will  play on her own a bit. She still makes a mess of everything with her reflux, but at least she isn't crying until 2 am every night! I was really spoiled with Shep. He would spend 2 hours in his swing. I am lucky if I get 20 minutes with Madi in there before she has soaked her self with spit up or her tummy starts bothering her. Right now we are all a little sick and I think I would like to have my tonsils removed because they are on fire! I don't really have the time, energy, or money to be sick!!!
On a side note, I have been thinking of adding a little ink and had a couple of ideas. I love when people pay tribute to their kids and kind of want to do the same (don't tell my mom- she flipped with my first tattoo and would die if she knew I wanted another) I always tell Shep he is my sunshine, so I was thinking of getting a sun with his initials. I tell Madi she is my little angel, so I was thinking of little angel wings with her initials. Not sure of placement though. Eventually, I want to get their hand prints and food prints on my ribs-1 kid for each side- but that will come later.
Shep cracks me up on a daily basis. Oh the thoughts and sayings of a 4 year old. He was telling me some story and I asked a question about it. He said "you know Mom, you know" LOL. Crazy kid. I love him. I love Madi....I have an amazing little family.

Here I am

I've decided to blog...not because I think my life is so interesting and others want to know everything I am doing, but I thought it would be a fun way to share my crazy life with family and friends I don't see or talk to daily. I also thought it would probably be theraputic since I love to write and this is the new age of "journaling." So, here I am.
Tonight is just a normal night. We came home from visiting some good friends from high school that live in Houston. I love visiting friends, but it is hard to budget precious time for that. It needs to be done more often but I have to compromise on household cleanliness and things like attempting to scrapbook. Oh well.  On the way home I discovered Madi is cutting another tooth. She started her first one Friday night, so two in one weekend= tons of fun. Shep was exhausted and fussing as well. I took him for a bike ride but he fell and that was it for the night. I have a ton of laundry to do, and need to get bottles and food ready for tomorrow, but I am easily sidetracked (and then get mad at myself later.) Miss Madi is crying so I guess I must continue on with Mommy duties. I will leave you with a pic of my little lovies- in between cries....